little_tristan: (Kitten Monster)
I spent the morning in chat with [personal profile] valis2, who designed the most beautiful jewelry for me to give as Christmas gifts. If you haven't visited her shops, you probably should. If you wear jewelry or like beads, that is. I'm terribly excited about giving these pieces to the people they were made for. Custom jewelry is the best.

NaNo and its unaffiliated Mini Challenge are over so I'm going back to writing in my random, haphazard way. Never having worried about word counts before, I'm interested in seeing if I do more or less work without the mild pressure.

Self-imposed goals might be good. But feeling like a failure because the muse wasn't there and I didn't reach the goal, or I wrote badly for the sake of getting more words on paper, would be bad. Feast or famine, it's a fine line.

I've pretty much given up my book goal for the year. I'd have to read a book a day from now til the end of the year and that's not going to happen. Unless I read all the Star Trek: TOS novels on the shelf. I could probably do two or three of those a day. But they aren't what I want to read right now. Quality tops quantity once again.

Yesterday I saw a Criminal Minds ep from S5 that I've never seen before. 4 to 8 episodes a day on two different channels and I'm still finding new ones on the DVD. It's fun trying to guess why certain ones aren't aired. This one is about an outbreak of suicides among high school kids in neighboring towns. Is it the teen suicide angle? The identity of the unsub? Garcia's hair? (I adore her, but does she start getting ready at three to be at work by eight?)

It'll never be one of my favorites, though, because they're all mean to Reid on the plane going home, listing things they hate about him. He looks so sad and no one even apologizes.

I can't wait to get to S6. I know I'm missing a lot there. And one that I have seen is one of my favorites.

We stayed up a little late last night, since we were sleeping in a bit this morning. But I ruined it by getting sick after about 3 hours' sleep. Lately I've been haunted by a mild, lingering sense of nausea. Possibly from smoking so little pot this last week. Mark dragged me out of bed so I could throw up for a while and smoke a bowl, and then we went back to sleep. It was very strange.

Possibly the strangest part was that when I first woke up, Big Orange Roy was catloafing on my ribs and shoulder, in what has always been Murphy's place. Murphy was on the pillow when we went to bed, but he decided not to stay. He doesn't move to my side very often anymore, probably because of his balance problems.

What's weird is that no cat besides Murphy has even slept on me like that before. Roy's lived with us for 12 years and I never would have guessed that he even wanted to. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe it's just a status thing.

People are supposed to like animals because they look up to us like gods. I've always found that rather awkward. I wonder if that's how God feels when people fight over religion. I'm big enough for all the cats to sleep on, but they don't want to share.

And the dogs are even worse.
little_tristan: (Kindle)
Maybe it was a one-time thing, like when a silverfish fell out of a used book I got in the mail and failed to reproduce. The silverfish, I mean. I suspect the book has reproduced several times over.

Criminal Minds is being gross with amputations and fertilizer and other ickiness. But Reid finally almost had a story arc! It was SO close. And Henry's costume made up for ALL the things!

The arch-nemesis has outdone himself again. He wanted me to look up a documentary show and tell him what time it was on. Also what channel. And he couldn't remember what it was called, but he sort of knew what it was about. So could I please locate that in the next thirty seconds.

It actually took a couple minutes. I wish I hadn't done, though. He'll expect me to do it again. And after finally I convinced him that I really couldn't Google what, specifically, was wrong with his car when it was making a noise that time.

Anyway, I solaced myself with some new Kindle books--Jaws, Jurassic Park, and The Bell Jar. Kind of a mixed bag, but they're all ones I've been waiting for on Kindle and now they're here! This is good because I still have to read 36 books by the end of the year or else look like a giant failure on GoodReads. I don't know why this matters. Probably it doesn't.

But there still may be a children's/YA dash the last half of December. Unless I decide to take up Zane Grey.

There was an ad for the local news where the talking head announced they'd be covering "How your genes/jeans help determine how you vote". The graphic was Romney/Obama. Without more clues, I honestly don't know if they're talking about our DNA or our pants. Probably both angles are equally valid. I don't watch the local news, except to get the weather.

The election hasn't happened. I wish it would. Today the robocalls show as BLOCKED in the caller ID. This is not more subtle. I already didn't answer when it was from IL, where it might possibly have been an actual person I know. Or DC, when it might have been the actual president. Perhaps in four years they'll have learned to hack our phones and make it appear as if our mothers are calling. Of course I still wouldn't answer. I'd want to save the voicemail.

Today I deleted 20,000 words of The Dancer. Pretty much everything beyond the point where I stopped last night, except for one paragraph of dialog that I quite like. With luck it will fit back in somewhere. The rest was all a mess with people being married to the wrong people and being too religious and characters hanging about who should have shriveled up and fallen off when I cut them out back at the beginning. Plus that whole section was about something that isn't going to happen now. Or if it does, it'll happen differently, with the right people being married and widowed and fallen off the page. But I think it'll be something else entirely.

Hopefully I'll get an inkling as to what, basically, that might be in time to write 500 words about it before bed.
little_tristan: (Bunny)
But it's not even dawn so here's yesterday's news.

Ranger made a full recovery and spent the day reasserting her dominance over Willow. Surprising how quickly a dog Will's age can forget a year and a half of fuzzy-butt-whippings and start thinking she's in charge after just one day. But that misapprehension has been corrected and all is well.

Tammy came over and dusted, which is probably boring to read about but never fails to thrill me. Everything is so clean, and she's so much fun to have around. Really breaks up the boredom of a Tuesday.

I've been playing around with The Dancer this week, too. With Steve out of the way (he was a bad influence on one of the characters) and no deadline, self-imposed or otherwise, I might get it fixed up this winter. Or not. Depends on if it keeps being fun.

The nemesis avoided me all day, which was really nice. I kept the heat turned up unbearably high to reduce the chance of yelling, and apparently made some points. He wandered in last night while Mark and I were kicking back with a little Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the first hour, at least--we'll have to finish it tonight) and offered to raise the rent. That's pretty standard. If shouting doesn't work, throw money at it. Well, if it makes him feel better, who are we to say no?

Today Heather's coming over. Hopefully with canning jars, or I'll have to send her to Goodwill to look for some. She also volunteered to take the old man shopping for proper clothes if he wants to go. He probably will. Hanging out with Heather is that much fun. I'm bummed that I'll miss out on her company, but having the house to myself is nice, too. There was a new Criminal Minds DVD in the mail yesterday, and I still have a disc and a half of the final season of House. Heather doesn't let me watch that stuff with the kids in the house.

Also big plans to finish reading The Dark Tower so I can start The Hitchhiker's Guide series. I haven't read them since I got them for Kindle and short books will help my numbers. (Next on deck: Anne of Green Gables series.) I think I need to read another 40 books before the end of the year to meet my goal. This has not been a good year for me and reading. Next year I'll raise my goal again and try harder. Maybe more Kindle Singles would help. They sure did last year.
little_tristan: (Breaking Bad Walt & Jesse)
I'm not sure where I am right now. I finished the book club book on time, which was good. We haven't had the discussion yet, but I was ready and that's what counts in my head. And yesterday I finished Wizard and Glass, so I'm down to only four books on the Currently Reading list. At least three of which will get finished for sure sometime this year.

Heather was supposed to come over yesterday but she got a last minute invitation to see Alanis Morissette at the Crystal Ballroom Sunday night and was too tired to do anything Monday. But she was able to tell me about it in great detail, so it was like being there. Only without the hassle of actually seeing Alanis from fifty feet away and, you know, hearing the music. Because the only thing better than missing out on something awesome and fun is listening to someone talk about it nonstop for an hour. *sigh*

But it did give me a chance to catch up on all the paperwork the boys dumped on me over the weekend. They give me two kinds of work when they're around. One has to be dealt with immediately, usually with one of them standing over me impatiently or calling for updates every two minutes. The other is a cumulative thing that I can't handle until they stop producing it. Otherwise it would be like cleaning up feathers during a pillow fight. Better to wait until the pillows are all empty before starting to sweep. Or, in this case, sorting, entering into the software, and throwing half in the trash and filing the other half. So I did that and paid the bills that were stacking up. I can't do that sort of thing when Heather's here, since the kids never stop running and screaming and grabbing things and it takes both of us to watch them.

Tammy's coming to dust today and I'm putting her on the big desk so I won't be working much. I'm very excited about having it clean for maybe the first time since it's been here. And tomorrow Heather's coming without kids to take the old man and me to the hospital for his consultation with a vascular surgeon. Which he's now trying to blame on me, of course. He sat on the referral for two months and then asked me to make this appointment three weeks ago. Now he says he never wanted to do it and almost for sure won't have the procedure, but "you kids were so insistent". Um? What? I guess if saying "No one's going to ask why aren't you dead yet if you decide to prolong your life" is being insistent, then maybe. But no.

My favorite part is how he says he never asked for this consultation and I set it all up on my own. I reminded him that he gave me the information, otherwise how else would I have the phone number, but he just shook his head and wandered off. The boys say he always does this so no matter how it turns out it will be someone else's fault. Of course. Whether he dies in agony or spends another cold and boring Oregon winter in our library, it'll be on me because I insisted on whatever he ends up doing.

Maybe I'm good at this life and death shit, but I sure am bloody fucking tired of it.

Hopefully the sun will show up this afternoon so I can go downtown. I just found a stack of last year's Scientific American that Homeless Steve might enjoy, he likes reading physics, and they have a book for me at the library. Because I need to start another one.

But not right now. Right now it's time for my uncontrollably twitching thumb and I to go watch Criminal Minds* and wait for Tammy.

Is it sad that I dressed up for this?



*I wrote a CM fic a while ago and finally got it to a satisfactory point. I think. If you want to read something totally different from anything I've ever done in any fandom, it would be Everything to Everyone.
little_tristan: (Default)
The last 24 hours have been sort of an off and on anxiety attack that I don't want to treat because it would make me more tired. And I've already lost control of ALL THE THINGS. My books are not read, my prompty things aren't filled, my commitments outside the house are neglected, and worst of all, my dogs are not brushed.

Well, maybe that's not the worst. But it's bad because I could just go over there and fix it. But then my arms would be too tired to do anything else for the rest of the day and I would FAIL AT MORE THINGS.

I miss Mark and Russell. When they're not in Canby at their daily work, they're at the shop down the street at their personal work. They work EVERY DAY. ALL DAY. They're working RIGHT NOW. Then we eat and sleep and they go away again in the morning. Mark holds my hand while he falls asleep, but he always turns over before I'm done.

I'm failing at being married, too.

What I want to do is read Ghost World, which I can do. It's right over there. (Points at shelf three feet away that you can't see, but trust me, it's there.) And watch Criminal Minds, which I can't do because I don't have any more DVDs. If the postman had come up onto the porch on Thursday when I had an outgoing disc, I'd have gotten a new one yesterday. But he didn't because we didn't get any mail. A&E never shows the episodes where Reid talks about being a drug addict so I didn't know that was going on. There's a lot they never show, apparently.

I miss Reid.

My arms hurt already and I haven't even brushed a dog. I wasted all my energy writing this and it doesn't even mean anything. But I'm trying to catch up on comments since last time (only 10 days ago!) so maybe I'll say something meaningful and non-failurey then.

My cat bite didn't get infected and it looks good, but it still hurts. Mr. Sloane never fails at what he sets out to do, be it four foot standing leap onto a slippery shelf or majorly fucking up my thumb. And if he stays on the dresser all day he isn't letting anyone down. In my next life I'd like to come back as my own cat. Yes, I see the obvious flaw, but a girl can dream.

I'm going to go see if Reid is on tv. I miss him so much since yesterday.
little_tristan: (Breaking Bad Walt & Jesse)
For the ever patient [livejournal.com profile] sydpenguinbunny, who popped up in part 2 needing closure, I have Breaking Bad Hold Me Close, the squick-free sequel to Touch Me/Touch Me Not.

Also by request, in the realm of the totally gen (Hai, I'm a stranger in these parts!), an Aunt Jenny fic, Strength. Warning for poignancy, sweetness, and death.

In an unrelated matter, just because I saw the episode the other day and was brutally clubbed about the head by Muse and her wicked roque mallet, have this slashy, h/c, Reid/Morgan Criminal Minds, Until It's Time For You To Go.
little_tristan: (Charlie Bartlett)
Still haven't seen all the episodes and can't really connect the story arcs (damn you, A&E, for not running them in order!), but this popped up yesterday.

The muse is like a genie. When it gets out of its bottle after a year and a half, it just goes everywhere.:)

Reid-centric gen, no squick, very very short.
Just Keep Smiling
little_tristan: (Default)
I suck at keeping track of first-run tv shows, mostly because I'm never awake when they're on. So can someone let me know when the new season of Criminal Minds starts? I'm getting caught up with Netflix and I don't want to miss anything!
little_tristan: (Cream of Darkness)
The weather's been semi-agreeable. Monday and Tuesday were just bearable, but rainy. I've been sad, and even though I know why, I'm still being a bitch and taking it out on Steve, who's just trying to live his life. Well, not taking it out on him exactly. I'm not mad at him, just suspecting him of plotting. Which he doesn't do. I can't really see him ever being legitimately accused of plotting evil against anyone. But I've been sad and he's had to bear the brunt of it, being the one who's here and all. Yesterday he made me cry and things are awkward, but it was by saying something kind so I can't explain it without revealing the inner darkness of my cobwebby brain.

But. I went to the pool Tuesday and it was good. Better than last time. Probably just needed a little time off. I was walking and standing and keeping my heels down and everything. Still, good thing there was ice cream in the house when I got home.

I just found this on my desktop. I think I started it Thursday. Wednesday was hot and also free bus day, so Steve and I went to the doctor's office so I could have blood drawn. I was hopeful going in, but when the puncture wouldn't stop bleeding that kind of told me what the result will be. Also, the bruise is huge. I enjoyed having the chance to go anywhere, but Steve is understandably bored. Yesterday we went to the post office to mail books. I don't know how he can stand it.

Cousin Heather is coming over today to play with me. I want to empty Mom's storage unit in Dallas, but Steve wants to leave as early as possible so I don't know if we can do that. Everyone leaves as early as possible. They show up as late as possible and then watch the clock, waiting for it to be time to go. I can't seem to stop crying about that this week. And me crying makes Steve squirm and watch the clock.

Note: This is in no way a complaint about Steve, who is great. It's just my feelings about always having to choose between staying home and being left out, or insisting on going somewhere and being a huge burden that ruins everyone else's fun.

So I'm at a bit of an impasse, which is a tidy little way of saying I'm in hell.

But other than that, everything's okay. I got rejected for a clinical drug trial for depression. It's probably for the best, all things considered, but I am interested in therapies that haven't been tried by other human beings. I'll probably keep looking into it, to see if I qualify for another one later. In the meantime, I'm cheering myself up with inexpensive blown glass jewelry from eBay. And Criminal Minds. Reid brings da happy, and it's something Steve and I can do together.
little_tristan: (Saints1)
I've stopped having the recurring nightmare about the strange houses. Other nightmares are taking its place, but they aren't nearly as bad. This is a good thing.

Last night Steve experimented with a new pork chop recipe and now I don't feel very good. Not sick, just odd. It might be some kind of heartburn (or pork overdose). It feels like pressure from the middle of my sternum to the base of my throat but it never started burning. Hopefully it'll go away soon. It's pool day.

Nature Noir is a really good book. I bought it under the impression that Jordan Smith was a woman, but eventually the author says that it was right and just but bad for his career when the park services started making up quotas of women and minorities. Several chapters after reading that, I still picture a woman. There's no mention of girlfriends or wives, no subtle sexism, no comments at all about women rangers being less able or less useful in the parks. In a lot of ways he writes like a woman, too. Way more nature porn than you usually get outside of actual poetry. Now I wonder if he's gay. I think I'd like gay ranger stories.

Steve's got me watching Criminal Minds. That might become my new fandom. I'm developing a bit of a Reid/Morgan thing already. Turns out I didn't used to watch it because it used to have Mandy Patinkin and I avoid him on principle. His face annoys me. Also his name. But we haven't seen any of his episodes on A&E yet so I don't care. I'll be getting them on DVD soon to catch up, but it'll be okay. I know he won't be there long.

I need more purple beaded jewelry. That's just an observation. But it's true.

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