little_tristan: (Daria: Mr. D)
[personal profile] little_tristan
But now he's reading about mortgages in the paper, which always leads to him royally pissing me the fuck off. First it was just an article he clipped and made me read about the perfect solution to the issue of people like us who got subprime mortgages at the height of the boom but didn't borrow more than they could afford and haven't been so much as late on a single payment in 9 years, while morons who bought McMansions are getting government bailouts. I don't really care about this, btw. I made a deal and I'm sticking to it--I don't really care what other people are doing. But he's huge on grabbing whatever you can so I hear a lot about getting what we're "entitled" to. Anyway, the article didn't mean anything. It was an opinion piece stating what would be a good idea, not news about what anyone's really doing. So I read it and said yeah, whatever.

The thing is, when the topic is mortgages, he keeps coming back. (I don't know if this is in spite of never having owned a home, or because of it.) He kept saying this great deal is going to let people like us refinance "without going through congress or the Republicans" (because we did that last time?) and I'd better "get on it" (his second favorite all-purpose phrase, right after "they're all a bunch of crooks"). I said yeah, okay, just to get rid of him. Which worked, until the third strafing run, which included scatter bombs of complete idiocy.

He asked who holds our mortgage. I told him [current bank name], to which he responded, "That's who you started with. I'm talking about now." So I said, "Right, that's now. We started with [other bank name], then refinanced with [speculators who went under], who sold it to [speculators who went under and were charged with crimes], and they sold it to [current bank name]." To which he replied, "That doesn't sound right." But at least he was quiet for a few minutes.

Then he started up again by telling me I needed to look into the free money deal, and the first step is finding out who actually holds our mortgage. Now being fully sucked in, I reminded him that I didn't need to check, it's [current bank name]. He shook his head and said, "No, they wouldn't do it that way. They wouldn't hold a mortgage like yours, they'd get rid of it as soon as possible." Of course, it's on now, old man. I told him, "It really is. I get statements and tax papers from [current bank name], I go to [current bank name's] website to pay twice a month (conventional jumbo and equity line of credit), [current bank name] emails me receipts, so, yeah, [current bank name] holds my mortgage." His answer? "You better call and make sure."

(Head explodes, but I soldier on. Because I'm stupid.) "You're saying I should call [current bank name], whose number I would get from the mortgage statements, and ask them if they really hold the mortgage that I'm paying them for?" And he says yes. At which point I completely lose it and ask him if he really thinks I'm that goddamn stupid, that I don't know who holds my mortgage? He said, "You never know", and I told him to shut up and then hid in the bathroom until I was sure he'd be gone.

But he'll come back. That's the bloody fucking hell of it. He always comes back. And I really need to not yell and/or curse at him when he does. It's not his fault, he can't learn, he just wants to help, it's like expecting a dog to do algebra, might as well ask a bird to drive--if anyone has anymore of these, please share in the comments. Funny would be good but I'll take mean if that's all you got.


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